few years down the road, it will not matter

I came across this poem a few years ago, and have been reading it whenever I feel down:

Few years down the road,

you won’t remember why

you cried tonight.

 

Few years down the road,

the person bothering you now

won’t be  a problem anymore.

 

So if few years down the road,

these things won’t affect you anymore

why let them affect you now?

 

Basically, the poem asks people to not worry about their current problems as years later.. they probably forget about what was happening in the past. The advice is true, I barely remember the problems that I had back in 2009, 2012, or even last April. I’ve been keeping journals since God-knows-when, and all of the entries that I’ve written are mostly depressing for a teenage girl. Nonetheless, the causes that used to make me feel depressed do not matter to me anymore; if I don’t keep any journals, I probably won’t remember any of them. It really is true, the things that affect you now will not matter again in the mere future. That’s what I have been saying to myself whenever I find myself feel anxious and depressed over life in general. Even if I attempt to adopt that kind of perspective in life, it can’t be denied that I will always let most things affect me now. A person’s nature is different when compared to others, and mine always depicts extreme anxiety. Whenever I fail my exams in uni (finals or midterms), I am drained in dread. I constantly want to get the perfect GPA, although I know that the lessons I’m learning in university will not matter to me in the following future. For God’s sake, my business management major will not get me anywhere as it’s far off from my actual passion. Bottom line — few years down the road, it really does not matter if I get bad grades during my university years.

However, I always let bad grades affect me in such a way. I can’t help feeling like the dumbest person alive whenever I fail to get an A, even if I know that grades do not equal intelligence. Even if I know that GPA only measures one’s ability to memorize words. Even if I know I’m not gonna work in the area of business management. Can’t be denied that silly things like GPA and exams still affect the way I see myself as a person, which is fucking stupid and you should never do that to yourself. Maybe deep down I really am a vain person. I want my parents to acknowledge me as smart, thus I try to aim for the highest grade possible. In addition to that, my vanity forces me to search for validations from my acquaintances, which you also should never do. All of those things have pushed me to keep trying to get an A, although I know that everything will not really matter few years down the road.

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