Confinement (noun.) : Any restraint of liberty; seclusion; imprisonment.
Each one of us has different types of confinement. It could be in the form of love: confining yourself to the person who will never adore you back. Staying in a relationship with someone who is mentally & physically abusive. Going through thousands of miles only to face the fact that he/she just assumes you as no more than a friend. Begging for your friends’ validations although you know your friendship is only surface-level deep. Running away from people you love because you are afraid of commitment—you know they have the ability to abandon you anytime.
It could be in the form of money: confining yourself to wealth, to the point that you disregard your whole family who has always supported you since day one. To the point that you curse your whole family to the outmost calamity. Confining yourself to wealth, until you become an egoistic motherfucker who only cares about expanding your own business. Affluence does have the ability to change individuals’ characteristics and nature.
It could be in the form of achievements for validations: confining to the achievements that do not really matter. You know damn well that the only reason you try to get that A, push yourself to do the things that you really don’t want to do, is because you only want appraisal from your parents/friends. You are afraid to be worthless as a person; you crave for those validations from others. You imprison yourself with people’s opinions of you. You do things just because you are being told to do that shit—are you being an obedient child or just someone who floats away like a dead fish? What are your priorities in life, really? Making other people happy?
It could be in the form of helplessness and insecurity: You feel like there is no way to go. You are absolutely clueless and just… stuck. You hate yourself more and more each day, assuming and blaming yourself to be not good enough. Life becomes a real prison to you, a day-to-day burden. You dissociate all the way through social conversations, laugh even though you don’t find anything funny, and contemplate your whole existence at night.
It could be in the form of hate or revenge: You hate certain people so much; therefore, you promise to be the best version of yourself as revenge. “Look at me now, asshole!”—nah, don’t do that. It doesn’t go that way. Life is unfair, life is a bitch. The people you hate most likely do not care a bit about your existence—they did not care in the past, and they will not care in the following future. Confining yourself to hate is pathetic, yet I know that it cannot be helped. Do you really want to spend your entire life hating someone who gives no fuck about you? Besides, life is unfair for everyone.
It can be in the form of addiction: Addicted to drugs, beauty, alcoholic drinks, or even food. Feeling like drugs are the ones to be called home; being euphoric tastes more comforting than being depressed. Confining yourself to society’s and dumb boys’ standard of beauty, until you have an unhealthy relationship with food. Every time you see yourself in the mirror… a pair of empty eyes haunts you.
Confinement hinders growth and happiness, and sometimes it just cannot be helped. You have assumed the prison as home. The thing is, it’s not your home—it’s not you